 Dr. Fiction interviews Cinderella's Stepmother, who believes in the movement to "refine villainy." Question: What advantages are offered by creating a villain who, rather than reveling in ugliness and darkness, craves beauty and comfort? DR. FICTION
Welcome to the Doctor Fiction show! Continuing in our series of interviews with villains from various schools of villainy, we have today as our guest Cinderella’s stepmother from the Academy of Classy Villainy. Stepmother, glad to meet you. STEPMOTHER (stroking cat slowly) Thank you for having me, Dr. Fiction. DR. FICTION Tell me, Stepmother, what is the vision of the Academy of Classy Villainy? STEPMOTHER The academy was born from an urgent need for villains with more refinement and sophistication. There were reputable schools for dumb goons, sniveling scoundrels, mad geniuses, and dramatic egotists, but nothing for those of us who prefer to delegate our crimes to those more willing to get their hands dirty. We at the academy like to be removed from the messiness of crime but still collect the benefits. DR. FICTION I understand that you do that quite well, in taking advantage of your step-daughter and manipulating the situation so that she could not go to the ball. STEPMOTHER Exactly, which would have been a brilliant plan had not her fairy godmother interfered. DR. FICTION And a regrettable turn of events for you. STEPMOTHER Oh the shame! Who would want a serving maid as a princess? It’s deplorable. I am very disappointed in the prince. Furthermore, I am shocked at the lack of class in the fairy godmother. A pumpkin coach, drawn by mice? Honestly, could it be any more revolting? DR. FICTION I am sure it couldn’t. As I recall, your school’s motto is based upon the slogan of a popular movement, which states simply: “Refine villainy.” Can you expand upon that for us, please? STEPMOTHER Basically, up until the reforms brought about by the “Refine villainy” movement, villains were stereotyped as people who shun baths, enjoy violence, and live in drafty dark castles. We at ACV believe that villains have a right to live in beautiful castles, eat delicious food, and wear expensive clothing. What, after all, is villainy worth if we do not enjoy the benefits of our ill-gotten gains? DR. FICTION I hear that some notable villains join you in this school and have advanced the refinement movement substantially. STEPMOTHER Yes, indeed! For example, some of the audience may be familiar with Prince Humperdink. If you notice, his hair is never out of place, his fashion choice is impeccable, and he never truly loses his cool—except once, when torturing a victim in the Pit of Despair. He tried to get that scene cut from the film, but the director was quite insistent that it remain in the final edit. Apparently, he was on the side of the victim. Despite his misfortunes, the prince is much put out by the villain stereotypes and is a fierce advocate for our cause. DR. FICTION Well, good luck to all of you at ACV. You certainly put respectability back into villainy. That was Cinderella’s Stepmother. Visit next time to hear from a representative of the School of Vulnerable Villainy.
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