Dr. Fiction: Interviews with Villains - Megamind

Dr. Fiction interviews Megamind from the School of Dramatic Villainy, and discusses the benefits of villains who present themselves with flair and flamboyance. 

Question: What favorite villain of yours falls into that category?

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DR. FICTION
Welcome to the Dr. Fiction Show. We are in the midst of our series of interviews with popular villains, and this week, we are honored to have as our guest Megamind, our representative from the School of Dramatic Villainy. Our enterprising blue-skinned villain has accomplished the rare feat of being both the villain and the hero of his own movie. Megamind?

(cue descent of disco ball, which revolves in dizzying colors while “Bad to the Bone” screams over the sound system. Walkway appears amidst audience, from which floor lights wave and a caped figure appears)

MEGAMIND
Tada! I have arrived!

(crowd goes wild as MEGAMIND poses)


DR. FICTION
I see that you have exhibited the classic behavior of a graduate from the School of Dramatic Villainy. Our last villain mentioned special effects, but your school takes them to a whole new level, doesn’t it?

MEGAMIND
Oh yes! Only my shool produces the best criminal masterminds, and we use many skills to create the proper impressive effect. For example, I won the National Villain Fashion Show with my custom-made baby seal leather boots and my diabolical Black Mamba cape. My sidekick Minion got a generous 40% of the credit for my outfit, of course. I also did quite well in my class for torture devices.

MINION
(peeking in from a side door) Code: No, you didn’t. Your crush Roxanne was a judge at the final exhibition, remember? You only got points for the spider. Everyone else had already used the alligators and the rotating saws and the blinky dials.

MEGAMIND
(rushing to slam the door, leaning his back against it, and speaking in a hoarse whisper) Code: Shut up!

MINION
(from behind the door) But you did do well in the diabolical inventions class! At least, until you accidentally pressed the Button of Doom and released the robot that destroyed the entire Diabolical Invention Building.

MEGAMIND
(groans. His back squeaks as he slides to the floor)

MINION
And Vizzini from the Princess Bride smoked you in the Witty Banter Competition. The judges said that he made Plato and Aristotle look like morons.

MEGAMIND
I don’t even know who Plato and Aristotle are. Did they go to the Academy of Villainy?

MINION
I think they’re dead, sir.

MEGAMIND
Well, anybody can outwit a dead guy!

DR. FICTION
So, from these snippets of conversation I am overhearing, am I to understand that the School of Dramatic Villainy involves fashion, special effects, and intellectual dialogue?

MEGAMIND
We at the shool…

DR. FICTION
Excuse me, I don’t mean to interrupt, but that is the second time you have pronounced the word as “shool.” Do you mean “school”?

MEGAMIND
Oh, er… Hold on a moment. (scuttles to the closed door) Minion? Is it shool or school?

MINION
School, sir.

MEGAMIND
Ah! Why didn’t you tell me? But doesn’t S-C-H make a SH sound?

MINION
It’s English, sir. I don’t make the rules.

MEGAMIND
Stupid language. School. School. School. (returns to seat) Where were we? Ah yes, my school. Yes, the School of Dramatic Villainy believes that villains should be well-dressed, strangely charismatic, and very smart. (That’s why I am called Megamind—a tribute to my fantastic brains.) We villains of SDV are so flashy and delightful, that the hero pales in comparison and the reader ends up wanting to root for the villain.

DR. FICTION
Megamind, in your opinion, what is the difference between a villain and a supervillain?

MEGAMIND
That’s easy! PRESENTATION!

(room fills with a giant representation of Megamind’s head while electric guitars blare and Megamind leaves the stage down the walkway, which looks like the tongue of the projected Megamind head. He is most of the way down the aisle before the music cuts to dreamy vocal music and he makes a mad dash for cover)

DR. FICTION
Well, that was a very exciting and flashy exit for our friend, Megamind! (crowd goes wild) Return for our next interview with a representative of the Academy of Classy Villainy.