Dr. Fiction: Interviews with Villains - Witch King of Angmar

Dr. Fiction interviews the Witch King of Angmar from the Lord of the Rings, and discusses the strategies for increasing a villain's creepiness factor: disfigurement, masks, and other props or features.


Question: What do you think increases a villain's creepiness?

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DR. FICTION
Continuing our series of interviews with popular villains from various school of villainous philosophy, please welcome the representative of the Academy of Creepiness, the Witch King of Angmar from the Lord of the Rings!

WITCH KING
(arrives in armor on an ugly winged creature) IIIIII aaaaaam heeeeeerrrre.

DR. FICTION
Welcome to the Dr. Fiction Show! Witch King, tell me, what are the qualities that a student at the Academy of Creepiness would need?


WITCH KING
Creeeeeeeeepinessssssss.

DR. FICTION
As we can all see! You are by far the creepiest villain I’ve interviewed yet.

WITCH KING
Thaaaaaank yoooooou.

DR. FICTION
Tell me, Witch King, what do you consider the greatest asset in creating that essential aura of creepiness?

WITCH KING
Myyyyysterryyyyy.

DR. FICTION
I’m fascinated. What do you mean by mystery? What sorts of things contribute to this mysterious feel?

WITCH KING
Moooosssstlyyyyy massssskkkkks and caaaaaaapesssss. Weeeeiiiird vooooiiiicesssss. Ooooor disssssfiiiiigguuuurreeemmmmeeennnnttt.

DR. FICTION
A good list—masks and capes, weird voices, or disfigurement. I notice that you use the mask and cape very effectively. I can’t see any feature of your actual body at all.

WITCH KING
Thaaaaat’s beeeccauuuuseee IIIIII dooooonnn’t haaaaavvve aaaaa boooodddyyyy.

DR. FICTION
If you don’t have a body, what would a hero be able to do to you if, say, he wanted to kill you?

WITCH KING
Heeeee coooouuulllllddddn’ttt. Noooo liiiiiiivingggg maaaannnn caaaaan kiiiiill meee.

DR. FICTION
No living man, perhaps, but I recall that you met your demise when you got stabbed in the…er…nothing by a warriormaid.

WITCH KING
A teeeeechnicaaaaal deeeetail. I shooooooould haaaaave reeeeaaad the fiiiiiiine priiiiiint beeeetter.

DR. FICTION
Do you think you can get a refund of evilness…or whatever it is you villains use for currency or to seal a contract?

WITCH KING
Aaaalll teeeeerms expiiiiiire upooooon deeeeeath.

DR. FICTION
So you are, technically, dead?

WITCH KING
I waaaaaas beeeeefoooore IIIII waaaaas staaaabbed. Noooow I aaaaam jussssst moooooore deeeeead.

DR. FICTION
I suppose there is a difference between dead and more dead. Ugh! Your “more deadness” has certainly increased the creepy factor ten-fold. I’ve got the heebie-jeebies now.

WITCH KING
Glaaaaaad to heeeeeear iiiiiit.

DR. FICTION
Excuse me! Light technician! Could we have more light on the stage? Good lad. I feel much better. Could you tell me, Witch King, who joins you in the Academy of Creepiness? I heard rumors that Frankenstein was one of your classmates.

WITCH KING
Frankensteeeeein’s moooooonster. Geeet iiiiit riiiiight. Peeeeeoooople wiiiiiiiill beeee cooooonfuuuuused.

DR. FICTION
Oh! Apologies!

WITCH KING
Yeeeeeees, Fraaaaankeeeensteeein’s moooonster jooooins meeee iiiiin thee Acaaaaademyyyy, alooooong wiiiiith ooooothers liiiike the Phaaaaantoooom of the Ooooopera, Draaaacuuuuula, and, by honorary degree, Miiiiichaeeeel Jaaaaackson.

DR. FICTION
All good examples of people who use unusual characteristics to spectacularly spooky effect. Witch King, is there anything you would like to say before I call up our next interviewee?

WITCH KING
Nooooo oonnnneee coooommmmeeesssss beetweeeeennn aaaa Nazzzzguuuuullll aaannndddd hiiiiissss preeeeyyyyy!

DR. FICTION
Ladies and gentlemen, that was the Witch King of Angmar! Return next time for our interview with a representative from the School of Cruel and Cool Cads.