Fiction & Sex: Where's the Line?

I’m generally cautious when it comes to sex in fiction. Now, Christians are probably waiting for me to give an answer like, “Never mention sex in fiction.” Liberals are probably waiting to dismiss everything I say because I’ll be too restrictive for them. I’m probably not going to satisfy either party. Why? Because I think the answer is more complicated than “Never include sex in fiction” or “Include sex just as openly as you would any other part of life.”

Christians, the Bible has tons of sex in it. You can hardly go a chapter in the Old Testament without someone sleeping with someone else, and some of those stories aren’t exactly family friendly. Non-Christians, I’m about to make it pretty plain that sexual openness doesn’t always lead to satisfying sex—or a satisfying story.

I’ll tell you right up-front: I’m not going to tell you what the line is. But I’ll give you enough information so you can consider what is a good, realistic, artistic portrayal of sex in fiction.

Why the death of sex in fiction wasn't caused by moral conservatism

Way back in 1930, American society reacted strongly to the frankly pornographic material that was pouring out of films. So a bunch of movie producers got together and created a set of industry-wide moral standards, known as the Motion Picture Production Code or Hays Code (named after Motion Picture Producers and Distributors of America president Will H. Hays). This code governed the industry from 1930 to 1968, when it was replaced by the MPAA rating system, and is the reason why films from this area are, generally speaking, family friendly.

I first heard of this code when I took a college course on American film. An entire section of the course addressed moral standards in film during this “clean” era, and I was surprised when I heard various film historians and experts speak of it with nostalgia. Every one of them made the observation that we lost something when the standards relaxed, especially when it came to sex.

During that era, they explained, one had to be very creative. Sex could not be shown on screen, but the creators had to find a way to sexually charge the scene. So they used camera angles and suggestion to plant understanding in the viewer’s mind. One director from that era recalled how he directed the camera to linger on a kiss between two lovers, then remain on the woman’s face as her lover moved out of the frame…but remained (so viewers assume) in intimate contact with her. Nothing but the kiss and the woman’s expression was shown, but the viewers knew exactly what was happening and what was coming next, even though they never saw it.

In contrast, modern movies leave nothing to the imagination, and every single one of the film experts, while applauding the “virtues” of sexual freedom, expressed a sense of wistfulness, noting that something powerful was lost. Suggestion, they agreed, is more powerful in the imagination than exact images. In some ways, the sexual revolution killed sex.

Why sex in fiction is unrealistic--and encouraging harm

I was brought up in a Christian household, with certain standards regarding the viewing or reading of sexual material. We understood that sex is a part of life in general, and that it is even more a part of our current culture. There’s no point in pretending that it does not exist. But we were also taught that sex is something sacred. You don’t just do it with anyone you feel like or think you might have feelings for. You might ask: Why is that? Let me explain.

First of all, there are serious physical consequences to that lifestyle, such as sexually transmitted diseases, which affect millions of people every year, especially young people. Read Epidemic: How Teen Sex is Killing Our Kids by Meg Meeker if you want to have the living daylights out of you. And here's a CDC info graphic to put things in perspective.

Second, there are serious emotional and physiochemical consequences. (Read Hooked by Dr. McIlhaney and Bush if you want to know the science behind it.)

Third, there are spiritual consequences, which are far bigger than we want to admit. (The Bible explains this better than I can.)

So having uncommitted sex splashed across a page or a screen is not simply a way of liberating ourselves from restricting cultural norms. It’s a way of denying reality. Because in reality, people get hurt, people get STDs, and people pay for their sexual misbehaviors—either now or later.

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It drives me nuts when I see fictional characters fall into bed with each other when neither of them has defined the relationship. Is this a long-term thing? A short-term fling? Is he willing to guard, honor, and commit to her for life, or is she just Hot Chick #14 in a continuing line of conquests? Is she willing to bear his children and be a life-long companion for him, or is she just eager to prove to herself (and to the general male population) that she is desirable? In real life, uncommitted sex has consequences. I’ve seen it over and over and over, and not simply because I volunteer at a pregnancy center and work one-on-one with some women who are dealing with the life-long consequences of uncommitted sex.

You never forget your first time. (At least, if you were sober when it happened.) There’s a reason for that. Sex is not just recreation; it involves a part of you that is deep and precious.

You would think that sexual openness in literature would help people to be more satisfied in their sexual lives. The truth? People need more and more sexual material, of greater shock value, in order to get the same rush. And the long-term result is not satisfaction, but disappointment. Sure, sex sells, but what’s selling obviously isn’t satisfying, or people wouldn’t need to continually get more of it. See my point?

Okay, but sex is part of reality. How do you depict it in fiction?

For the record, I’ve written stories that included prostitutes, out-of-wedlock pregnancy, and things of that nature, because those are things you encounter in real life. Pretending they don’t exist won’t make them go away, or prepare anyone to respond appropriately to them when such things are encountered. That said, there are ways to approach sexual topics with delicacy. My personal rule is not to write anything that would raise one’s pulse. You can give the sense without the scene. 

For example, I wrote the following in one of my books, in which genetically-engineered humans called Identicals discuss the secret trysts that one of them has been conducting with a member of the opposite gender. (It’s still a draft, guys, so don’t get too excited about seeing it in stores soon!)

2P wilted under 2J’s onslaught.

“You don’t even know what we do,”  she growled, but there was more injury in her voice than anger.

“What do you do then?”  2J challenged.

2P looked around furtively, lowered her voice even more, and then began to explain.  2J listened, first incredulous, then horrified, then worried, then strangely uncomfortable.

“I don’t think that’s ri…”  she stopped as a sudden though occurred to her.  Was that why the doctors kept the males and the females away from each other?  2J glanced at 2P and wondered, remembering how she had once unexpectedly come upon two doctors.  One was male and one was female and they were both standing very close to each other in a corner.  She had felt suddenly that she was not supposed to be there and she ran away.  If the doctors were allowed to, why weren’t the Identicals?  What was the difference?  They were all people, weren’t they?

Some of my other stories are slightly edgier, but it’s nothing that will cause a sweat. I’ve seen others use similar creativity, and I appreciate it, because it doesn’t present an unrealistic super-satisfying picture of unrestrained sex (nobody I know is satisfied all the time anyway) and because it focuses more on the story than on the sex. The story is, after all, what should attract you to the book.

I don’t think there are any hard and fast rules, but I do think there are guiding principles.

• Sex should neither be avoided artificially nor added artificially. (In other words, write what is important to the story. No more, no less.)
  
• Uncommitted sex has real-world consequences. Fantasy ain’t the real thing, folks. So show the whole truth.
  
• Obvious sexual depictions are not as powerful in one’s imagination as creative sexual hints are.
  
• Would you do what you are reading/writing about? Would you want to encourage others to do the same? 
  

Do you agree with me? Disagree? Let’s have a respectful dialogue and see what we can learn from each other.